


Momentary Meltdown

by Nandireya



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:30:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9551099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nandireya/pseuds/Nandireya
Summary: In the wake of Shiro's disappearance the team have to come to terms with their loss and what it means to their future.  One in particular is not handling it well...





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one-shot drabble that I was inspired to write after watching season two. But I could be convinced to continue...

# Momentary Meltdown

Keith sat, silent, despondent, at his station on the castle's bridge, staring out at the nothingness beyond. It perfectly reflected the emptiness he felt inside. The recently recovered black bayard lay on his chest, held there in a white-knuckled grip. It had been the only thing left in the black lion's cockpit when they'd returned from battle. A battle that could only be described as a resounding success. They had dealt Zarkon and his empire a crippling blow, but no one felt like celebrating.

He could hear the others, their strained voices offering words of comfort to each other. He knew they were only a few footsteps away, but they sounded like they were on the other side of the universe.

_'If I don't make it out of here I want you to lead Voltron.'_

At the time Keith had figured he was just talking out of pain-induced delirium, but he'd brought it up again while they'd been flying to meet the Blade of Marmora. He couldn't possibly know this was going to happen, he was just being a proper, logical leader, making plans for the worst possible scenario. And nothing could possibly be worse than this. He certainly had more faith in him than he had in himself, though. He wasn't about to admit it, but Lance was right. He was a 'shoot first, ask questions later' kind of person, and that certainly wasn't conducive to the leader of a force for freedom.

He was suddenly aware of the eerie silence that had descended around him. Turning his head slightly to cast his glazed gaze towards where his friends and teammates had been quietly murmuring amongst themselves, expecting to find them gone, dispersing into the massive craft to succumb to their own near-catatonic state. Instead he found six sets of eyes, including the towering Kolivan's, focused directly on him. It was quite unnerving. And extremely unwelcome.

"Why are you all looking at me?" He frowned. It was the first time he'd spoken since they'd discovered him gone, the emotional rasp in his voice surprising even him.

"Well...we were discussing where we're going from here." Pidge began, obviously realising he hadn't been listening to a word they'd been saying. "Seeing as how...Shi..." She stumbled, her voice faltering. Not that he could blame her. It was too hard for him to even _THINK_ his name right now. "...seeing as how he..."

Deep violet eyes widened and he sat up straight in his chair.

"He told you." He whispered, his voice part flabbergasted, part terrified. He'd never mentioned that he'd made it official.

He'd spoken so softly, but apparently it had been loud enough to carry.

"Told us what?" Lance questioned, one eyebrow arcing quizzically towards her hairline.

Or maybe he hadn't.

"Ah..." He back-peddled, "...well..." desperately trying to think up something, "...I..." anything, "...you see..." that could pass as an explanation.

"He named you his Second, didn't he?"

All eyes momentarily refocused on Allura as she spoke, but quickly returned to Keith for confirmation. His face spoke volumes, but it wasn't an expression of pride or even resignation to an impending fate. He looked like a child who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"What a tremendous honour he has bestowed upon you, Number Two." Coran smiled, apparently completely misinterpreting the look on the red paladin's face. "Or should I say-"

" _NO!_ " Keith surged to his feet, cutting the elder Altean off before he could finish. 

He couldn't hear him say it. That was not his title. It would never be his title. He'd accept Number Two, even though the first time he'd been addressed as such it had reduced Lance to an hysterical fit of loud, obnoxious laughter, which had lasted until the blue paladin realised it meant he technically outranked him.

"No..." He shook his head, backing away from them, slowly working his way to the exit at the rear of the bridge. "Just...just...no."

He turned and bolted out the door.

Lance, Pidge, Hunk, Allura. They all made a move to follow him. They all froze in mid-step when Kolivan rumbled.

"Let him go."

They all turned to consider the Galra in their midst.

"He doesn't want company right now."

"And how do you know that?" Lance snorted. The feline-like alien had known his teammate for like five minutes, where did he get off telling them what their friend did or didn't want?

"I wouldn't." He responded.

"Why not?" Hunk asked. After their recent mission together he thought he had a better grasp on his sullen friend.

"We are Galra." He said matter-of-factly, his golden eyes turning to where his fellow Blade had disappeared. "We do not share our pain."

~~~~~~

Kolivan hadn't been completely right. Keith didn't want to talk about what was expected of him now. He didn't want to face all the questions that were forming behind their eyes. He didn't want to deal with all the thoughts that were screaming at him inside his head. He didn't want to wrangle with all the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him.

But he didn't exactly want to be alone, either.

Red was already lowering her head as he entered the hanger, golden eyes glowing warmly. The robotic lion's entire metallic body rumbled with a comforting purr as she welcomed her obviously distressed pilot. Red hadn't fully powered up, she knew her paladin had no intention of going anywhere. He just needed his solitude.

As he clambered into the flight deck and collapsed into his pilot's seat he felt the warmth of Red's presence descend on him, wrapping him up in the warm blanket of the bond they shared. She would be there for him without trying to psychoanalyse him or remind him of his duty.

"Thanks, Red." He whispered as he curled up in his seat.

~~~~~~

Allura wandered the halls aimlessly, unable to sleep. The others had retired to their rooms, whether to sleep or not she wasn't certain, the ship's sensors, when she had checked them, showed her that was where they were. A bright, colour-coded dot accurately pin-pointed the exact location of each paladin. A count of four. She had to blink suddenly, several times, to get her vision to clear.

Her fingers absently fell to the bright scarlet of Keith's locator. It was a considerable distance from the others. It the exact same spot it had been for the past several, what did they call them, hours? When he had first left the bridge so obviously distraught, she had checked to see where he was headed. She had deferred to Kilovan's judgement at the time, she had found no reason to argue with it. Keith had always, to her admittedly rather limited knowledge of him, been an extremely private person, Galra heritage or not. If they had never learned of this, still troubling she felt, part of him, she seriously doubted he'd have reacted to their current situation any differently.

She had only checked on him out of fear of him doing something rash. He had a tendency of rushing off to do something potentially hazardous to his health when his usually highly controlled emotions got the better of him. It could be quite alarming the way he could change so quickly, his anger in particular could be terrifying. Perhaps it was his human and Galra sides waging war with each other. Or perhaps, given that she had seen similar abrupt changes in mood from the other paladins, admittedly far less intense ones, it was simply a human trait.

She entered the hanger and looked up at the red lion. It seemed to be glaring at her coldly. A part of her felt it was judging her on how she had treated Keith on his return from the Blade of Marmora's base. It was nonsense of course. Just her lingering guilt on how badly she'd handled the situation. Keith hadn't deserved her ire, he had proven himself to her time and time again, before, during and after the revelation. She appreciated now how he had reacted to it at the time. Or rather, hadn't. She knew she'd hurt him, deeply. Learning the truth had no doubt cut him to the core. It couldn't have been easy for him to come to terms with it, she wasn't even sure if he had done so yet. Her attitude surely hadn't helped. The others had taken to calling him Galra Keith for a while, Hunk in particular, until he had, unusually calmly, asked them to stop, pointing out that he was still the same being he'd always been. Learning of his rather unusual parentage hadn't changed anything, it had only helped to explain a few things. If anything, it had made him more comfortable with himself. Like some kind of weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

She turned her attention back to the red lion, it certainly did seem to be watching her. Perhaps it was. The lions of Voltron may, on the surface, look like highly sophisticated pieces of hardware, but there was far more to it than that. Each possessed a certain degree of autonomy. They could act on their own, though they certainly performed much better with a living, breathing pilot at the helm. And they were often extremely particular about who they even granted access to, the red lion especially. The lion chose the pilot, not the other way around.

Speaking of which...

"Is he all right?" She asked.

The red lion seemed to consider her query for a while, then opened its jaw to lower the entry ramp. She gathered up her skirts as she ascended to the flight deck. The doors opened quietly allowing her to enter the dimly lit space.

Keith was curled up in his pilot seat, the red glow of the instruments did cast an oddly alien appearance to his visage. His slow, rhythmic breathing and serene countenance told her he was asleep. They way his knees were drawn up to his chest and his arms were pulled in tightly told her it had not started as a peaceful one. He still had the black bayard, hugging it tightly like a child clinging to a cherished toy, seeking comfort.

It probably wasn't far from the truth.

He was so young. All the paladins were. Risking their lives. Fighting a war that really wasn't theirs.

She let out the softest of sighs.

Keith's eyes snapped open.

She stumbled backwards, colliding with a bank of instrument at the flash of gold she'd seen there. No, she shook her head firmly. She hadn't seen what she was certain she had seen. It was all just in her mind. Or a trick of the light. Yes. That was it. The cockpit's lights had been reflected in his eyes. That had made them look yellow. There was so many light sources. So many...red...light...sources...

"Allura..?" He mumbled, his voice a little slurred as consciousness returned to him. He began to unfold himself, rubbing one eye savagely with the ball of his hand, then the other. Had he been crying? She wouldn't be surprised if he had been. She doubted there were any tears left to shed on the entire ship.

He was sitting up now, one hand racking through his unruly mop of hair while the other still refused to relinquish hold of the black bayard.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I was worried about...well...we...were worried...about you..." She stammered in a rather undignified, un-princess-like way, casting her eyes about everywhere, not wanting to look at him, just in case what she'd seen, thought she'd seen, tried to convince herself she hadn't seen, was still there. And what if it wasn't just the eyes? The light in here made it impossible to determine what colour his skin was. And it was so low. And there was so many shadows. And everything was so blasted red!

Keith leaned forward and touched a switch on the main console before him, switching on the cockpit's full illumination, reducing the red to the surrounds of the heads-up displays and instrumentation.

He scrutinised her with his normal human eyes set in his normal human face while frowning a normal human frown.

"Are you all right?" He asked as she visibly relaxed.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." 

He lowered his eyes, the frown slacking as he considered the question she hadn't actually asked.

"Yeah. I'm terrific." He said in a flat tone that indicated he really, really wasn't.

"Keith..." She began softly as she took a step towards him, placing a hand on his seat. She wasn't sure if a reassuring touch on his shoulder would be welcomed. He had always given the impression he was not overly fond of physical contact on even his good days. And this was far from a good day. "I know how you must be feeling-"

"With all due respect, princess." He cut her off, his voice tight. She was a little taken aback to hear him use her title rather than her name. His tone made it almost sound like an insult, or a means to distance himself from her. "You really don't."

He turned in his seat, presenting his back to her. She felt her hackles begin to rise. Why was he being so, so, difficult? He wasn't the only one suffering right now! She was about to put her thoughts into words when she heard him let out a deep, shuddering sigh, saw his shoulders slump.

"In the past few weeks..." His voice was soft, almost broken. "...months...I don't even know anymore." Ever since they'd been chased through that initial wormhole they'd been constantly on the move, from fight to fight, planet to planet, mission to mission, with no regular sunrises or sunsets, no calendar to mark off the days. It was impossible to keep track.

"I've lost my home...my world..." He trailed off, staring at his right hand. The one that had been splotched lilac when he'd been struck by that druid's weird purple lightening. He hadn't mentioned it to anyone, he hadn't known what it meant only that it had scared the quiznak out of him. He knew what it meant now, though.

"...my humanity..." He clenched his fist. "...and my best friend." He turned his head to look at her and she could see them really shining now. Not with the gold of a Galra, but with the unshed tears of a child in pain.

"I can't lose Red too."

Her eyes widened. She hadn't thought of that, even though she'd seen the strength of the bond between the red paladin and the red lion first hand. They'd been lost in space, adrift, alone save for each other. It had been a dire situation. With the other paladins and the castle engaging the enemy the limited supply of air afforded by the life support systems would not have possibly held long enough for rescue. A rescue that would probably never had come due to the fact that the battle had only been won with the added effort of Keith and his lion.

Yet somehow, in all the infinite emptiness of space, the red lion had found them. It had found him.

"God! What the hell was he thinking?"

Keith leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. As best as he could any way, given the death grip he still maintained on the black bayard.

He was overwhelmed. So much had happened to him in such a short period of time. True, she didn't know exactly how he was feeling, but she could relate to what he was going through far more than anyone else in board. She too had lost her home, her world. They had all lost Shiro. And after her encounter with that witch, Haggar, she wasn't entirely sure who or what she was anymore either. She had seen him look at his hand for several ticks while he spoke of his lost humanity. Did he fear some kind of physically transformation? That his outward appearance would somehow come to reflect the mixed blood that ran within? 

She hadn't, however, been asked to take the place of a man who was the only family she could really make claim to. Though it could be argued that she had filled the role once occupied by her father. However as royalty, she had been raised for the eventuality. She had known it would one day come. But she certainly hadn't been asked to sever a deep mystical, possibly physical, bond with a highly sophisticated piece of hardware which was as much a creation of magic as it was science. Could it even be done? Zarkon had maintained his bond with the black lion until both Shiro and the lion itself had forcefully severed the tie.

He was rocking back and forth in his seat now, mumbling something to himself under his breath. Over and over again as he pressed the balls of his fisted hands against his temples. His brows knitted over tightly closed eyes.

She had to lean in closer, listen intently, to figure out what he was saying. It was so quiet, barely a whisper, and spoken so quickly it was difficult to determine where one word ended and the next begun.

"Patience yields focus."

She blinked.

_'What an odd thing to say.'_

 

~~~~~~

"Patience yields focus." He whispered to himself. 

"Patience yields focus." 

Over and over and over again.

"Patience yields focus."

It was like a mantra.

"Patience yields focus."

It wasn't really fitting in this circumstance, but, somehow, it made him feel better. He could feel it soothe his troubled heart. Clear his head. It was beginning to allow him to think.

"Patience yields focus."

It was what Shiro had wanted.

"Patience yields focus."

Yes, it was a big thing to ask. Huge in fact. To take over and effectively lead a group when he lacked the confidence to do so while still mourning the loss of his highly capable predecessor. And being forced to break his bond with Red to pilot Black in order to do so.

"Patience yields focus."

But it would be just as hard for any of the others to make that break. And were any of them more qualified to lead? 

Pidge was brilliant, a genius, but she over analysed everything. She wasn't a strategist. She couldn't make hard decisions on the fly. Hell, before she'd climbed into Green's cockpit she wasn't even a pilot.

"Patience yields focus."

Hunk...Hunk was a great guy. A fantastic engineer. But he'd avoid conflict altogether if he could. And that just wasn't an option.

"Patience yields focus."

His frown deepened, a little angry now. Lance would question him. Lance would bring up that stupid rivalry thing of his and think he could do a better job. Admittedly, he probably could, possibly, be able to step up. Maybe. If he wasn't so easily distracted by pretty faces and feminine curves.

There was no other choice. Whether he wanted to or not, he had to do this.

Resigning himself to his fate, he slumped back, his head impacting deeply into the cushioned flight seat as he let out a deep sigh. His hands fell softly into his lap, his grip finally loosening on the black bayard as he began to turn it slowly in his hands.

"It's what he wanted." He said softly. "I can't really deny his wishes, can I?"

He smiled slightly.

"But I promise you, it won't be forever." He leaned forward to place a palm on the main instrument panel. "You'll always be my number one."

~~~~~~

Allura has been about to offer him some words of comfort, to agree with him that it would be a temporary position, that they weren't going to give up on finding their lost paladin, when she realised he hadn't actually been talking to her. She let out an involuntary, slightly derisive snort.

She saw him stiffen, saw the colour rise in his cheeks. It would seem he'd forgotten she was there. And he was now embarrassed at what she had just witnessed. This time she did touch his shoulder.

"We all deal with things in our own way." She smiled at him. "I'm honoured that you feel so comfortable around me to show such vulnerability."

"Thanks, Allura." He smiled softly back, knowing that his emotional meltdown would remain between them.

He exhaled deeply, his breath rippling the long bangs that fell into his eyes, and rose to his feet.

"I guess I better go and talk to the others."

~~~~~~

He ended up letting them sleep, though he could tell from the shadows under their eyes they hadn't rested much more than he had. All through the sleep cycle he'd been thinking, trying to come up with a plan on just what they were going to do next.

He walked solemnly across the bridge, he could feel those tired eyes, including Allura, Coran and Kolivan's, on him as he did so. He stopped at the black paladin's station and gently, almost reverently, placed the matching bayard on the empty seat. It was the first time he'd actually let it from his grasp since he'd pulled it out of Black's dash...was it only yesterday?

They knew Shiro's wish now. He didn't need to explain himself or argue the point. Taking a deep breath to steady himself he turned to finally face them.

"If I do this..." He placed a hand on the chair but made no move to actually sit in it. "I need to know you're with me."

Pidge and Hunk exchanged a glance while Lance fixed him with a level stare, his lips pursed in contemplation. 

"If you'd actually been part of the conversation yesterday..." Pidge began. _'Instead of staring all broody into space like the total emo you are'_ she added mentally. "...you would know that we came to the almost unanimous decision..." She threw Lance a sideways glare, which he pointedly ignored. "...that you were the best choice."

He blinked, a little stunned. They'd come to this conclusion before he'd let slip that Shiro had chosen him?

"Except for the times when you go all berserko nutso..." Hunk clawed at empty air for emphasis. "...or when you run off on some borderline suicidal, though admittedly, beneficial solo mission... you're actually a pretty level-headed guy. And Voltron needs a level-headed guy to be, well, the head."

All eyes then turned expectantly towards Lance. Keith had known he would be the biggest stumbling block, besides his own self-doubt. The blue paladin had his head tuned away, nose in the air haughtily. Blue eyes swivelled to regard him.

"All right!" He relented, throwing his arms up in the air as he crumbled under their scrutiny. "I'm with you. One hund..." He trailed off. "Ninety...nine...point...nine...five...percent...?"

Keith let out an exasperated snort and rolled his eyes. He was about to say something about that being the best he could expect from him when he suddenly found the breath to speak expelled from his lungs as he was enveloped in a multiple body impacting hug. Pidge had wrapped her arms around his waist as Hunk threatened to lift them both bodily off the floor. He was only stopped in doing so when the princess wrapped her arms around the trio, pressing her cheek against Keith's shoulder blade.

"Well I can't be left out of this." Lance bounded over to pile on, coming face to face with Allura as his cheek came to rest on Keith's vacant scapula. "Well, hello there, Princess." He cooed in a throaty purr, earning him a groan from the afore mentioned royal. He let out a sudden shriek when he suddenly found himself face to moustachioed face with Coran who had also joined in. Allura had shifted slightly and now her beautiful face was dangerously close to that of his fierce rival's.

How long they stood there in each other's arms, expressing their mutual support and grief, none of them would remember. But it couldn't last forever. Slowly they all began to loosen their grip, slowly back away from each other. Though no one seemed too keen to move too far.

"It's all only temporary, of course." Keith said. "I'm not giving up on Shiro." There had been no trace of him, no evidence that he'd been vaporised by some weapon of dark design.

"This ship is amazing." He gestured to their surroundings. "It can do things that I never dreamed were possibly. But..." He looked at their Altean benefactors. "...apologies, Princess...it's also ten thousand years out of date. Who knows what technical gizmos have been made it that time. Teleportation devices. Personal wormhole generators. I'm sure you guys can come up with way more potential advancements than I can for some means of snatching somebody out of thin air like that." He turned to Hunk and Pidge.

His face grew hard, determined. "We will find him. And we will bring him home."

Every single one of them nodded in agreement, their expressions set in a mirror of his own.

"Which leaves one more thing." He said. "Yes, Voltron needs a head." His gaze fell momentarily on Hunk. "But Voltron also needs a right arm."

He began to pace. In each step he took he heard his mantra. Patience yields focus.

"I can't ask any of you to give up your lion." He said with a curt shake of his head. "Besides, it wouldn't change anything. We need five paladins. We need someone who flies with instinct as much as skill." His pacing took him past Allura. "Someone who sometimes has more guts than common sense." Past Coran.

"Someone like me."

He ceased his pacing. His feet had brought him to a stop right before Kolivan. The Galra considered the boy before him with a quirked brow. There had always been fire in those eyes, a reflection of the blood that flowed within him. But now it was a veritable inferno.

"Kilovan." He said in a tone that broached no argument, a slight, very Galraish smirk curling the corner of his mouth.

"We need to talk."


End file.
